How i was a girl. Part 1
Once, a few years ago, out of curiosity, I looked into my mother’s closet. There were such unusual things for boys, which seemed to open the door to another, girlish world, which always aroused interest. Bras, panties, tights … it was all somehow different and incomprehensible. And I just wanted to understand why, what is different about them. It was a little embarrassing when I looked at them, but no one saw me, could not ridicule or forbid to do it. The same curiosity forced me to try on one thing … another … And suddenly it began to cause already other, painful sensations. I wanted to relive them. And I, putting on underwear, seemed to become someone else.
I wanted to imagine myself as the girls in the class, all in turn. Imagine how they feel when they dress, when they look at them, when they peep under their skirts … It was pleasant and exciting. The only problem was that there were no girly clothes in the closet. When I closed my eyes and felt the bra on, I could imagine myself who I wanted, but I really wanted to look at it too. I couldn’t imagine my classmates in such a bra. Mom’s things were too real, too old. They evoked some other feelings and thoughts that I was afraid of …
Trying to imagine myself as an adult woman caused something rude, associated with violence, a feeling that they wanted to do something with me more than just spy on me … I drove these thoughts away, but they came back again, more and more clearly, took concrete shape. There was already something of the forbidden, there were large male members that they wanted to take possession of, humiliate me, do something shameful … In addition, I also became completely ashamed if at the same time I remembered that these were not just female things , and my mother’s. But the desire was very strong and I gradually got used to it. In addition, I have long wanted to try wearing my mother’s belt with stockings, which I saw in the farthest corner of the closet.
The first time I put on the belt and stockings, the sensations were fantastic. It turned out to be the most feminine item I’ve tried on! The way they gently hugged their legs, how they looked from the side, how they left the most intimate part open, and not only to see it, but also gave full access to it … I was most afraid to think and with all my might I drove away the thought of what mom wore. At first I imagined myself as our girls dressing this to school under a dress. It was very unusual, exciting, but too unrealistic, because they had to imagine what they were going to do in this! But as soon as I imagined that I was a grown woman, it took over me completely. I wanted more and for the first time I clearly presented not only that men want me, but also that they take over me! The thought of my mother flashed inappropriately, but the shame suddenly passed, and the desire to think about it remained. I put on my mother’s combination, went to her bed and closed my eyes …
I have never had such strong feelings! I imagined myself as a mother, imagined that I was lying in this form, that a man was lying on me now, he sticks to me, wants me! Everything excites him, he looks at my underwear, at my legs in stockings, at my chest with burning eyes. What I usually hide from men, he sees everything completely and from the feeling of nakedness in front of a man I feel ashamed, but from this everything inside begins to tremble. He understands why I have put on stockings and I feel even more ashamed that he understands this! I refuse, I resist, but he still roughly feels and squeezes my breasts, then crawls under the combination, and … introduces his penis into me! I could not resist exhaling with a drawn-out female moan, it was so exciting!
When I came to, I still felt uncomfortable that I allowed myself to imagine this. For several days I did not dare to think about it, but then the desire returned. And I obeyed him. Each time I imagined something more, I tried something new. I already imagined not only penetration, but also that I cause such a desire, that a man ends up in me over and over again, that he does it against my will, in full view of other men who are staring at us, who also want me … At the same time, I imagined myself as different women, but more often as a mother, because then a feeling of shame was added to my feelings and from this everything became much sharper! To add reality to the sensations, I wanted to try to go to the staircase in my underwear.